Sunday, September 14, 2008
Big Rock Candy Mountain
"Just because I am handsome enough to be a model, don't go thinkin' that I'm some kinda homo."
It's Sunday. I don't need to be at work. I don't need to be anywhere. So, I'm in bed, listening to music, surfing the internet and paging through the Cabela's catalog. Cabela's loves me. They send me about three huge catalogs a week. I don't hunt, I don't fish, but I do dress like my mom picks out my clothes. So there they are, page after page of stiff looking men wearing stiff looking ill fitting clothes. The idea is that this will appeal to rural white men, who can then safely hand the catalog to the wife and say, "Hell honey, I don't care. Just pick some stuff outta this here."
I am constantly scanning the Cabela's catalog in hopes of finding something wearable that fits the uniform policy at work: "No dungaree type pants." When was the last time you heard the word dungarees? Well, Cabela's and the large orange bridge still talk about dungarees. I think it's quaint.
I wish there was some kind of slightly cool version of the Cabela's catalog: just as corny but not quite so fuckin' stiff. I am, after all, a rural white man, although I never let my ex pick out my clothes. In fact even cornier would be cool. The worst part of the Cabela's catalog is when they try and be hip. Nasty. Finally, I gave up on Cabela's and went back to the computer, where I discovered the soundtrack for the slightly cool Cabela's catalog, Big Rock Candy Mountain. Good shit. Pretty corny, not fuckin' stiff.
"Liquor Store" is the theme song for a period of my life in the midwest. My favorite line is the one about pawning the tools for an extra twenty bucks. I used to own a genuinely deadly assault rifle, a Ruger Mini 14. I had it "just in case" . I mean what if some kind of truly bad shit were to go down? However, when I ran out of beer and cigarettes the weekend before payday, I never hesitated to run it down to the pawn shop and take out a loan on a case of Blatz and a carton of Camels. The bad shit would have to wait till after payday.
Posted by Your driver at 11:15 AM