Thursday, October 15, 2009

Every job I've ever had has had something to do with transportation. Even when I was working in a steel mill as an apprentice I was working on rail cars. I've had a commercial drivers license since 1973. Before that, I was a teenager driving forklifts on a loading dock and moving trucks around the lot.

I can also say that every job I've ever had I've either been an active union member, or actively trying to organize a union.

I've worked for the Large Orange Bridge District for almost 22 years. I'm getting really tired. I get depressed often. I haven't drawn a clear breath in a long long time. I have diabetes, torn up joints and chronic headaches.

I've also started fucking up. I can't get myself up for work. I'm pissed off when I'm there. I'm about to become a danger to myself and the public. I just can't pay attention. All I really want to do is hang out, play the ukulele and talk to people. I've been working 12 to 16 hours a day for the last 25 years.

I'm thinking it's time for a change.

The pension board keeps coming up with different numbers. I need to read the pension plan contract carefully. I'm starting to think that I could put together a year on disability. By the time the year is up I should have just about enough time to retire.

I won't be walking off with the big money, but I'll have an income and medical care. Cash me the fuck out.

It might be time.

Big City-Merle Haggard (Buy) There is no such thing as too much Merle Haggard.


@eloh said...

Double check all the figures and get everything in writing.

Good luck.

PS....on the other's called "a singin'" , hell I know what that is. I had just never heard it by a fancy yankee name. I recon they came up with that for marketing and to distinguish it form other singin's.

Jon said...

Thanks eloh. This is a scary possibility, but more of the same is starting to scare me too.

It might be that there's other kinds of singin's but sacred harp is all about a hymnal called the sacred harp, a certain kind of unusual harmony and an antique musical notation that is used no place else. The notation (shaped notes) goes back to the 12th century. The harmonies are from the 18th century.

Also it's not a performance. There's no audience. No singers up front and listeners facing them. The singers all face inward and sing to each other.

I don't think there's anything quite like it anywhere else. I don't know if I want to sing it, but I'm glad it's there. The south is another country.

Joe said...

We are just numbers Jon, do your numbers, cover rent and food- healthcare is a welcomebonus-then get the f*** out if you can. They just isnt a good reason to even make that situation a choice.

ib said...

Jon. I read your previous post, and I can only reiterate what both @eloh, Joe and Birdsong had to say. Life's too short. It sounds like you need to walk away from what is perhaps an unworkable situation.

If you can wing it temporarily until your pension kicks in, it may well be the healthiest option. Play it wisely and keep your cards close to your chest.

I've been cold turkey on the Prozac for a week or so now. Not intentionally. My prescription got fucked up and I've only just - as of today - got it back up and running. My Serotonin levels are fluctuating wildly, and I have been behaving like a bear with a bee in its ear. Or a hunchback bowed twice over under a heavy load.

If it wasn't for domestic commitments I'd probably still be in bed, burrowed inside a pillow.

I may need to find a job sooner than I feel able. The wolves are always circling. They can smell the fear.

That "singin" thing sounds like the stuff of shamans. I am not much of a one for group therapy but that is my loss.

Much love, brother, from Glasgow.

wv = probantr, moments previously it was 'dotealia'.

Jon said...

Ib, be very careful. Withdrawing cold turkey from prozac is really dangerous. Current wisdom is that one should taper over up to one year. I quit the stuff cold and it was the worst thing I've ever lived through. If you just stay in bed it is probably the safest thing you could do.

It turns out that @eloh lives in the world center of sacred harp singing and she didn't even know it. Anniston Alabama is the home of camp Fasola, an annual nationwide sacred harp school and gathering. Her PS refers to an email I'd sent her asking after Camp Fasola.

Don't be afraid to ask your family for help and patience. Love to you too.

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