Sunday, October 25, 2009

The Bobble is all you need.

I've never been much for using The Bible as a road map. It's full of questionable advice and dubious examples. It's OK for fathers and daughters to have sex so long as they're in a cave and daddy's drunk? Oh, don't forget to blame it on the kids. They got daddy drunk and took advantage of him. That's the horrible conclusion to Lot's escape from Sodom. You can be sure he didn't engage in no sodomy either.

Then there's the bestial crime against nature. An act so unnatural that to commit is to condemn oneself to the fiery pit for all eternity. I am of course referring to eating shellfish.

Adultery is a terrible sin. If a man takes another man's wife in adulterous lust he is condemned in the eyes of god. There's a loophole though. If the adulterer kills the woman's husband and then marries the woman it's OK with god. It worked for David and Bathsheba and it can work for you. You'll notice the woman has no agency in this matter. She was one dude's chattel then she becomes another dude's chattel. Love is a many splendored thing.

OK, so The Bible is a catalogue of bad behavior. It's also full of those moments when we have to bow our heads before The Great Mysteries of life. "Truly, The Lord was in this place and I did not know it!" Sometimes it's worth your while to miss a night's sleep. One of The Great Mysteries is the comfort of simple faith. By the grace of God, sometimes we know that we are loved, that our lives have meaning and that in due time more will be revealed.

That's a hard feeling to put into words. Mostly it comes out as pure fucking corn- cheese in a spray can. When we try to express it we say dumb stuff like, "I'm using my Bible for a road map." The thing is that the spirit of those sentiments really is true even if the letter does "Killeth"

Even hipsters can see it. Danny Barnes and the kids from Porter Hall Tennessee are hipsters but they ain't too dumb to know a good thing when they see it.

My friend Laura is concerned that I am overwrought. Me too. She suggests meditation music. Meditiation music makes me tense and irritable. I listen to this kind of stuff. It helps.

I'm Using My Bible For A Road Map- Porter Hall Tennessee (Buy)

I'm Using My Bible For A Road Map- The Bad Livers (Buy)

I'm going to try and lay off the internet for a few days.


@eloh said...

The Bible is an excellent road map.


Gazetteer said...

Hey Jon,

Another John from your neck of the woods (kinda/sorta), Darnielle, has thought pretty hard about this too, I reckon.

And he's always good for a listen or seven for all kinds of reasons.


Birdsong said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Birdsong said...

This should help.... I'll Fly Away

Nazz Nomad said...

I love fairy tales.

Birdsong said...

Here's another way to look at things :) R. Crumb illustrates The Book of Genesis

Jon said...

The book of Esther does not mention G-d.

Birdsong said...

Jon, are you opening up for a timely discussion of the similarities between Purim and Halloween? I've got this ungodly day off.

Jon said...

Laura, of course, being thick as shit, I had to look up Purim. It's an historical holiday, unlike the heavily pagan influenced seasonal holidays of Christianity. Other than that the costumes and sweets certainly fit in. I've been lying low and playing the ukulele. I have to do errands today. You will have to outline the similarities on your own.

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