Thursday, May 15, 2008

I was lied to


I learned a lot of crap in school. Most of it vile lies designed to make a dutiful wage slave out of me. I've had the same job for twenty years, so it must have worked.

One lie has done me more harm than all of the others. I mean, I maxed out an Amazon.com credit card behind it.

Let me tell the story of this lie: When I was in first grade I had a lovely and wonderful young teacher named Mrs. Daugherty. She was just out of school and only 21 years old. Most of the boys in the class were in love with her. We would fight in the schoolyard over her.

Mrs. Daugherty wanted to teach reading as a specialty. She was always working with us to improve our reading skills and she took special night classes to become a better reading teacher.

One of her classes required her to bring in her three best students and have us read in front of a lecture hall full of teachers. I was one of the students selected.

We all did a good job. Mrs. Daugherty was very pleased with us and took us to a diner for hamburgers afterwards. We all felt very special. Mrs. Daugherty kept beaming at us.

And here's the lie that I learned that day: If you read a lot of books pretty women will really like you.

I've chased this lie through libraries, bookstores and literature classes with nothing but negative results. No matter, they've fucking got me now. Dammit.

3 comments:

Mr. Beer N. Hockey said...

I thought the trick to catching the eye of pretty 21 year old school mistresses was drinking a lot of beer.

Jon said...

That came later. I thought bar maids and waitresses would dig me if I drank a lot of beer. They would play along with me right up til closing time. It took me years to figure out, possibly because I was too drunk to do much figuring. These days, when waitresses flirt with me, I accept it as an act of kindness shown to an old man who tips good.

Gazetteer said...

And this doesn't work either.....

Drinking a lot of beer....pining after poetry.... and being a science geek.

Sheesh.

.

(glad you started the site up Jon!)

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