Sunday, December 6, 2009

It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Xmas


Jesus at the last supper- As reenacted on the planet Whammo.

People got nothin' better to do than complain about holidays? It's time to remind each other that we're not doing it right. Does Christmas, as we know it in these straitened times, blow? Well, fuck yes, but it's probably the best we can do- for the moment anyhow.

In the meantime I find myself buried under culture war alerts. Raging Xtians claim that they are under attack as the "Holiday" marketing scheme seems to be beating out the "Christmas" marketing scheme in the hearts of bean counters down at corporate headquarters. Truly, when even the marketing experts have lost faith in Jesus as an indicator of consumption patterns our nation, indeed our world, is doomed, doomed.

Across town at socially sanctioned beatnik world headquarters, pagan fanatics and pious areligionists point out the fact that there were solstice festivals of light that predate the alleged birth of Christ. Besides which what were shepherds doing out tending those flocks anyway, what with lambing coming up around New Years and all? Christmas it seems is not only ahistorical it's also a total rip off from the beautiful pagan tradition of worshipping trees and sacrificing children to statues.

Somewhere in the middle "normal" people like to point out that Christmas is dreary. I've got to say that it is California cold as hell where I live. It's nowhere near say, Minnesota cold, but in Minnesota people have insulated houses and central heat. Here in Cali when it's twenty nine degrees outside it's about forty in your living room. I'm rapidly running out of propane while my inadequate furnace competes with my uninsulated walls. Outside it's foggy and gloomy and they're predicting a week of cold ass rain. Dreary.

Well yes, it is indeed dreary and once again it is my Holiday duty to point out that gloom and drear are the reason for the fuckin' season. It's cold and dark out there. Put up some fucking lights. Eat some food. Drink if you like. Do it with friends and family. Stave off the coming darkness by spreading a little cheer.

Pesonally, as a Christian, I find the season a useful metaphor for considering the arrival of Christ in the world. That's why I put up the sparkly black Elvis tree, listen to the Christmas tunes and give a few cards and or parcels to select (usually young) loved ones. I like being with bunches of friends and eating rich food too. Not good for the diabetes, but good all the same.

If the Jesus thing doesn't work for you celebrate whatever of the many solstice based holidays you chose. Just try not to be a poot butt would you? Times are hard enough without anyone spreading miserabilism, OK?

Frosty The Snowman- Man Or Astroman (Buy)

For my brother across the waves, Comrade Ib and for anyone seeking religious salvation, consider a trip to Whiskey Heaven.

Whiskey Heaven- Fats Domino (Buy)

7 comments:

ib said...

I like Fats just fine. And I don't believe I've heard this one.

As a further illustration of seasonal factions, a Russian family I know in my block celebrate Christmas according to their own Orthodox calendar - somewhere around the 3rd or 5th January. Which suits them just fine. They pick up their Christmas tree and decorations at a knock down bargain; and get their kids presents just as the January sales begin.

29° F, eh ? That's about -2° C I gather. Cold for California, by anyone's book.

Keep warm, brother. And keep those Christmas lights burning if they're already up. It has gotten truly cold here yet - nowhere near as bad as it was this time last year, at least. In the minus over night only thus far.

The fibre optic Christmas tree is still in its box, but not for long. Tradition dictates it be erected on the 12th or 13th, if I remember right.

I don't have even a hint of a hangover from the Ameretto imbibed last night, I am glad to say. An unusual liqueur and very festive.

@eloh said...

I know what you mean about the cold. My house was built way way before air conditioning and 125 years ago the worry was to wick out the heat, by design.

An on line conversation between my daughter and one of her on line friends... trying to explain WHY she can't just pop a hole through a wall to run a connection.

I am in the dark as to why K-1 is four dollars a gallon again this year.

I have decided to try to make this Christmas the best in ten years... but if you knew... I'm not setting the bar very high. I do hope to make it to midnight services... the sanctuary being lite by nothing but each parishioner holding a candle is moving and beautiful... if only our priest was worth a shite.

tattytiara said...

Christmas is sacred because I get the day off, but to be fair I consider all my days off to be sacred (and fine occasions for gift giving).

Devil Dick said...

there is a present 4 u up @ the devils music!
cheers!
dd aka tommy

Jon said...

@eloh, the last time I tried to make midnight mass, I got one of the worst cases of food poisoning I've ever had.
Tatty Tiara, Celebrating days off sounds righteous to me.
DD, Oh cool! A Christmas present for me!

Mr. Beer N. Hockey said...

Greenpeace made my Christmas already: they scooted around the dopers in charge of my country's Parliament and embarrassed them for all the world to see.

todd said...

'Eat some food. Drink if you like. Do it with friends and family. Stave off the coming darkness by spreading a little cheer.'

i can get behind that....

cheers Jon,

todd

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